Dr. Funkleberry’s Extra-Luxe Splendid-Time Fun Land

Does normal life bore you?

Do you ever wish you lived in a sphere?

Do you want to help make the world a better place, always?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, then you’re a perfect candidate to test out our new theme park, Dr. Funkleberry’s Extra-Luxe Splendid-Time Fun Land, designed by, you guessed it, Dr. Funkleberry himself.

We put so much work into the theme park so that you can enjoy what it feels like to be a part of a late Beatles album cover. However, this aint your daddy’s theme park. We’re talking BIG, we’re talking bold, we’re talking having the single best day of your life when you come on down to Dr. Funkleberry’s Extra-Luxe Splendid-Time Fun Land.

It all starts at the gates. You bought your ticket, right? Good! After the armed guards let you through, go to the drink stand and grab a cup of our patent-pending Funkleberry Formula. Drink up. Seriously! The electrolytes within will maximize your fun and your experience!*

Next, take a step into one of the magnificent Observation Balls that we have ready for our guests. An armed steward will let you in and buckle your seatbelt. Don’t worry if you can’t understand what they’re saying. They’re speaking the language of fun! And, of course - booster seats are provided for children. All strapped in? Excellent - you are one step closer to experiencing the magic of Dr. Funkleberry’s Extra-Luxe Splendid-Time Fun Land!

Wow! Are you checking this out? It looks like we’ve reached our first stop, the Clown Bloc! Get ready for your first Funkleberry Fun Fact™: The clowns that live here have suffered a great deal, but no longer! They’ve opened their arms to a social revolution and live under a perfect, utopian communist society. Incredible! In addition, each clown owns a personal gnome which does the bidding of its master. Talk about efficiency!

Now that we’re exiting the Clown Bloc, you’ll start to notice a slight change in scenery. As buildings began to appear smaller, take a look into the windows. See that? Two bright glints? Not a clown, but a cat! In fact, there are now clowns, OR humans in this town at all. Cats! Only cats! So many cats! Here, we’ve biogenetically engineered cats to have, yes, opposable thumbs! That means that cats have gained the ability to build, learn, speak, and, you guessed it, govern! This is Catropolis. The cat city! Humans are shot on sight. No petting!

Whoah, hold on to your seat - looks like we’re taking a wild turn over here! A perfect time to explain the next area we will be entering. Hear that? No, that’s not thunder - that’s marching! Consider this a little behind the scenes tour of what we’ve built here. Witness our security forces in training! It’s these good men and women that keep our park safe, the clowns happy, and the cats in check. You might notice that we have quite a strong work force - 8 million strong! Wow! Now, you may be asking - How can I join Dr. Funkleberry’s Extra-Luxe Splendid-Time Fun Land? Well easy there my friend. You already have!

Wait. You’ve finished your drink, right?